I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
