Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize