How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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