I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
