Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
