Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
God, I missed his penis.
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