the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
