Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
