are you so shy because you have an std?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
