You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
