if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
