remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
