There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
