i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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