i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
they need to just BURY HIM!
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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