it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
