Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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