Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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