I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
