I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
