I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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