The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Randomize
