the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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