You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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