Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
