NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
