I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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