I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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