Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
