$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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