Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
