There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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