I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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