I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
