I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
