Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
