Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize