I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
