Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
