She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
