no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Randomize
