So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
