yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
