Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize