Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
