I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
don't judge my taste in strippers
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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