Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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