dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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