Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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