Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
