I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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