So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
