I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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