tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
