if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
whose ass print is on the piano?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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