Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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