A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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