I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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