his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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