You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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