after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize