your room smells of hookers.
And success
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
