my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
