she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
