If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Randomize