If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
