...so i touched it.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
