I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
