I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
