She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
