I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
