I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
