Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
