i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
