I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize