So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
