i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
this beer tastes like vomit already
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
