I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I am naked and annoyed.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
