Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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