I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I have feelings that need drinking.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
