is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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