just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
