I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
