I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
