I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
