When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just invented taco cereal.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
