Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
actually, I'm a sock model
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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