you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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