i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
