my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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