so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
where are my eyebrows?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
