I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I deserve this hangover.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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