Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
