Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
