did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
