So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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