My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
