I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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