I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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