since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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