i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
