I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
